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Category Archives: Humor
Oct
26
2011 Halloween Costume Idea
Every year, my talented sister, Amie, develops a cartoon showcasing a fun Halloween costume idea that sends a free-markets message and reflects current events. Her previous costumes include the Sexy Acorn (to draw attention to ACORN’s child sex scandal) and the Hot Teapot (to laud the everyday Americans fighting for Constitutional principles within the Tea Party movement).
This year, we chose to honor the entrepreneurial spirit of the late Steve Jobs with the Unbelievable Apple. (Jobs frequently used the word “unbelievable” to describe Apple products.)
Posted in Economy, Humor
4 Comments
Jul
25
Rupert Murdoch plays fair
By Katie Kieffer 
When arch rivals like the Chicago Bears and the Green Bay Packers go head-to-head, anything is fair game. Except cheating. Winning is the end-goal, but neither team will knowingly jeopardize its NFL standing. There’s not a lot of love between the Bears and the Packs. This January, when the teams played each other in the NFC championship for the first time since 1941, we witnessed overblown name-calling and pompous chest-pounding.
Posted in Economy, Entertainment & Culture, Free Speech, Humor, Law, Sports
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Jul
18
Skyscraper impetus creates jobs
By Katie Kieffer 
When Michael Moore looks at a skyscraper, he sees a bloated monument to rich investors. He becomes nauseous and his lunch floats back up into his throat as he imagines the tenants who can afford Class A rent: Tenants like a semi-retired banker and his entrepreneurial son who watch the sun rise from their 92nd floor office suite while their assistant pours cold, crystal-clear water into tall glasses holding cucumber slices. “Hmmm, how can I knock that tower down and humble those richies?” Moore wonders to himself. “I certainly can’t push it over. I’d have to give up my breakfast of chocolate covered bacon and hit the gym every morning. Way too much work for a big boy like me. … I’ve got it! I’ll ask the President to push for eliminating the carried interest tax break!”
Jul
11
Agency girl goes wild
2011 Edition
By Katie Kieffer 
Elizabeth Warren has literally gone wild. No, she did not strip off her matronly suit on a Girls Gone Wild spring break tour bus. Rather, she appears to be on a mission to strip Congress, small businesses and individual Americans of authority by instituting her own rules for how to play the financial game on both Wall Street and Main Street. Liberals in the media hail Warren as the “protector of the middle class.” Warren may genuinely care about the middle class. Her own mantra is: “Dang gummit, somebody has got to stand up on behalf of the middle class!” Sadly, she does not understand the free markets that prevent the middle class from slipping into poverty.
Posted in Economy, Humor, Law
2 Comments
Jul
04
Set off Katy Perry fireworks
By Katie Kieffer 
Imagine this: It’s the Fourth of July. You are a notorious pyro and your frightened neighbor lady sways you into reading my column on her flashy new iPad to temporarily distract you from setting up your annual fireworks display. As you read this, she is “accidentally” dropping her garden hose, running full blast, on the pile of fireworks you’ve been stashing up all year. Yes, by now, your fireworks are wet garbage. Don’t panic. Keep reading. Trust me, she’s not as sneaky as she thinks. I’ll tell you how to ignite your neighborhood with a show like it has never seen before. You won’t even need to make an emergency run to the tent down the street selling fireworks.
Posted in Economy, Entertainment & Culture, Humor
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Feb
23
Why young people are happy
By Katie Kieffer
The latest Pew Research Center poll shows that young people (ages 18 – 28) are happier now than they have been in over 30 years. Why is this? Aren’t we in the middle of a financial meltdown in America? Aren’t the costs of living going up? Aren’t young people losing their jobs? If you are down on America or down on your life, I’ll help you change your mindset to match that of today’s youth. I promise you, you’ll be happier for it.
I believe young people today are happier for two reasons: First, most Millennials want to live more like grownups and less like their parents who sometimes act like babies. And, second, they understand and are excited by the opportunities America has to rebound out of recession and back to greatness. Let me explain: Continue reading
Posted in Economy, Entertainment & Culture, Free Speech, Humor, Law, National Security
1 Comment
Feb
01
Let’s play Job Trap!
By Katie Kieffer
It’s game night everyone! You won’t win a fake prize like a pile of plastic tokens or a stack of paper money. In this game, you win the real deal: Jobs. So, bring your friends and get ready to go from mopey paupers to upbeat workers.
I invented the game “Job Trap” when I realized that Mouse Trap was a waste of time and that I’d have more fun accomplishing something in life than fighting my friends for cheese-shaped tokens. I thought about the biggest economic problem in the U.S. today, the high unemployment rate, and decided to create a game to fix this problem. Here’s how you play: Continue reading
Dec
28
New Year’s Party Crashers
By Katie Kieffer
My 2011 New Year’s Eve Party was crashed. Let me rephrase that: My plans to host a 2011 New Year’s Eve party were foiled. This year, I was expecting over 700 guests to my humble abode on 1776 Capitalist Curve. Last year, I hosted a New Year’s Eve party that included a celebrity mixologist and gastropub chef, live music, helicopter rides, overnight accommodations and breakfast the next morning. Well, my 2011 party was going to make that party seem like a yawn.
This week, my guest list of over 700 dwindled down to a sad 37 due to the NYE Party Crashers. They “pre-crashed” my party by sending the foul weather that stranded my East Coast friends and delayed or canceled flights for my friends throughout the rest of the country. They sent the foul winter storms that are preventing my friends in Moscow, London and Frankfurt from traveling. And, now, they are warning of a blizzard for New Year’s Eve in Minnesota, where I live. Continue reading
Posted in Economy, Humor, Law, National Security, Sustainability
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Oct
27
Hot Halloween costume idea
By Katie Kieffer
Remember last Halloween when I showcased the Sexy Acorn Halloween costume? This year, my sister Amie and I decided to keep the “sexy” while taking out the “scandal” in our 2010 costume.
Continue reading
Oct
19
Proprietors’ Ashley Madison
By Katie Kieffer
Below is a step-by-step guide for “How to Cheat On Your Mortgage.” This manual was written by a professional satirist (yours truly) and none of these tactics should be tried in real life unless your goal is life behind bars.
By following my recommendations, you can ‘cheat’ on your mortgage. It is even easier than cheating on your spouse online via The Ashley Madison Agency (which I do not condone, by the way). How sweet is that? Continue reading
Posted in Economy, Humor
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